A few weeks ago I purchased my first car, a Kia Soul. I love my new car. The interior is shiny and new, and it's got that fresh "New Car" smell. The car came with several features that I didn't even know it had. One particular feature, which was a last minute addition, made for a story I'll never forget.
Over Memorial Day Weekend, my friend Erica was in town for a slew of graduation parties, one of which was for a good friend of ours from high school. Erica and I decided that the only way to show up to this party was with a fantastic gift that would blow all of the bottles of Captain Morgan out of the water. Naturally, our first instinct was rodents. We quickly agreed that a hamster would be the most logical choice.
The afternoon of the party, we went to Petsmart to make our purchase. As we made out selection, the young man who was helping us immediately began hounding us with questions. "Is this pet going to someone who wants a hamster?" "Is this pet going to be taken care of?" "Has this person owned pets before?" Between giggles we responded reassuringly that this hamster's new owner was expecting him and was very excited. As the hamster was lifted from his cage, squinty eyed and all, Erica decided that "Merlin" would be a fitting name. Little did we know just how fitting this name was to be. After paying for Merlin and his starter kit, we managed to make it out of the store before bursting into laughter. This was going to be the most entertaining gift at the party, for sure.
As we pulled up to the party, we prepped Merlin for his entrance. He looked fantastic. His fur was well groomed, his cardboard carrying-box was clean, and he had a smile on his face. Merlin was ready for the spotlight.
Upon entering the house, Erica and I decided we would put Merlin in one of the bedrooms and bring our friend inside to present him to his new pet. This was where our plan took a nose dive. Our friend's mother had seen us enter the house carrying a suspicious box, and our giggling drew her attention. As we took Merlin into one of the bedrooms, our friend's mother quickly followed and confronted us about the contents of the box. Thinking that this joke would be well-received by all, we told her that we had bought her son a pet hamster! Our friend's mother was less than pleased that we had brought a rodent into her house, and she intended to make it very clear. As Erica and I struggled to comprehend why our friend's mother was now shrieking at Merlin, people began to trickle in from the backyard. Merlin's presence in the house was not going to be accepted, and we were now creating a scene in the back room.
In an effort to save face, and Merlin's life, we took him into the front yard where we waited for our friend to come see the gift that he was not going to be allowed to keep. After an anti-climactic introduction, we were asked to take "the thing" elsewhere.
Thankfully, a friend of mine lived only a few blocks away, so Merlin spent the first part of the night there. When I returned that evening to pick him up, I found him cowering in the corner of his cardboard carrying-box. He knew that he had been rejected. The poor thing had been publicly scorned, and was now forced to wait until morning to return to his previous home. Heartbroken, I took Merlin out to the car and placed him on the floor in the front seat. I drove back to the party where I then cracked the windows of the car (it was about 70 degrees by this point, so Merlin was just fine in my car), and told Merlin I would be back shortly.
A few hours later, Erica and I got into the car and headed home. Holding Merlin's box in her lap, Erica noticed that Merlin wasn't moving around the way he had been earlier.
"What if he's dead?" she asked nervously.
"Just check," I responded.
"No, I can't. If he's dead I'm going to cry." "We'll just wait 'til we get home."
As we walked through my back door, Erica noticed that Merlin seemed to be moving around in the box. Relieved, we took him into my bathroom and opened the box. As Erica pulled back the flaps of the box, she gasped, a look of shock on her face.
GASP! "Is he dead?" I asked.
As I peered into the box, I was hit with several different emotions. Shock, anger, and dread, in that order.
Merlin... was gone! He had spent the evening chewing around one of the air holes in the box, making it just big enough for him to slide through. Merlin was now somewhere in my car.
The sheer irony of this story can only now be fully appreciated by watching this video. Please take 30 seconds to visit this link.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFHCfwF87_o&feature=related
So, you now understand where my feeling of dread came from when I realized that Merlin was somewhere in my car. The ungrateful little SOB was surely planning so steal my car, go for a joy ride, and blast out my new audio system. I was not about to have this!
Erica and I grabbed flashlights and headed back out to the car to find Merlin. It was during our search that another wave of irony washed over us. We had brought this upon ourselves by giving the hamster the name "Merlin!" Of course he would find a way to escape from his box and run a muck in my car!
The next day, we scoured the underside of the dash of my new car several times, searching for any indication that Merlin was still present. There was none. No droppings, no teeth marks, and no indication that he had attempted to start the car and drive off. Merlin was no where to be found.
That evening, convinced that Merlin had somehow escaped my car, we decided to take the Soul out for a spin. As Erica opened the passenger side door, Merlin zipped from the back seat up under the dash. He was alive! After a mini celebration of life, Erica and I decided it was time to say our final goodbyes to Merlin. We each took our turn talking to the dashboard of my car, and then left the car door open for the night.
When we returned the next morning, there was no evidence that Merlin had left. I think by this point, we had at least expected him to leave a note, but there was nothing. Merlin had braved the 12 inches from my car to the ground, and had made his escape into the wild.
So, what did I learn from this experience, one might ask?
1. Hamsters do not make good gifts
2. Cardboard does not make for reliable housing
3. If a hamster takes up residence in your Kia Soul, turn off the speaker lights, remove the ipod, keep the keys out of reach, and within 36 hours he'll be pissed off enough to leave
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