Today at work I...

Today at work I went out for a quick lunch to a local sandwich shop. I pulled into the crowded parking lot at about noon with the lunchtime rush in full swing. As I crept through the lot, I spotted a nearby car backing out of a space. That car and I traded places and I quickly determined that I was parked awkwardly in the spot. I reversed and re-parked perfectly between the lines. As I gathered my things to head into the restaurant, my phone rang. It was my mom. I placed my purse back onto the passenger seat. These calls usually lasted a few minutes. I had immersed myself in conversation when suddenly my car was jolted forward from behind. "What the hell!" I shouted into the phone. "Mom, someone just hit my car. I'll have to call you back." Although infuriated, I calmly got out of my car and walked around to the passenger side back bumper. Despite having pulled into the neighboring spot, the driver had yet to emerge from the car. I knelt down to assess the damage this reckless driver had inflicted on The Soul. The driver side door of this sporty white Mercedes slowly opened. It was not a person that emerged first, but an over-sized purse that was plopped onto the ground. Several seconds passed before a white-haired elderly woman slowly slid out of her car. Her attire was very Scottsdale. She was dressed in flowy white pants with a matching top, high heels, too much wrist bling, and big diamond earrings. She gathered her purse, closed her car door, and finally turned to find me kneeling beside my damaged car. "Oh!" she said very surprised, "I didn't think I hit it that hard." Is that why you've taken your sweet-ass time getting out of your car, hoping that anyone who may have seen what you just did has gone about their way? I'm not buying it! "Well, you hit it pretty hard. I happened to be (unfortunately for you) sitting in my car when you hit it." The woman walked over to the back of my car as I rubbed the area where paint had been scraped from The Soul. "Are you sure that wasn't there before, sweetie," she asked patronizingly. I looked up at her through the gap between my sunglasses. "No. That was not there before." "In fact, this here is the paint from your car." I smudged the white paint from the side of my car and thrust it into her face. "Is there any damage to your car?" I asked. She walked over to the driver side door of her car and began running her hand over the smooth panel. "Nope, no damage," she responded passively. I could barely contain my anger. Seriously, lady!? "That's not where you hit,' I said as I walked to the front of her car. "This," I said pointing to the massive scrape on her fender, "is where you hit." "Oh, I did that pulling into my garage a few months ago," she said waving off the scratch. I couldn't believe she was continuing to deny what she'd done. "My paint is on your car!" "Well, what do you want me to do?" the now angry woman snarled at me. "Look lady, you ran into MY car. I'm not sure why you're getting so upset with me." "Well, if it wasn't for the angry man behind me flicking me off as I tried pulling into the spot...! I'm here trying to get soup for my sick daughter," she said exasperatedly. Well now I feel bad for you, so disregard the fact that you misjudged the parking spot by a LONG shot, slammed into the back of my car, and then tried to pretend nothing happened. No biggy. "I'm going to need your information," I said with a smile. As it turns out, Rose from New York is 82 years old. People from New York are infamous for being horrendous drivers, but mostly from an emotional standpoint. This woman was horrendous at navigating a simple turn into a parking spot at 3 miles per hour! Her license doesn't expire until 2019, so the parking lots of Scottsdale will remain unsafe for five more years. Be cautious.